What are you afraid of?

After months (really, months!) of things coming up at the last minute, I finally managed to go to a 30 min massage session several days ago.

I thought I would get the relaxing, essential oil, etc. type of massage. It ended up being a shiatsu one.
After chatting with me for five minutes the lady said she recommends shiatsu. I figured it had more to do with her liking it better than the other one, than the vague "you need it" thing, so I said why not.

So for the next half of hour something unexpected happened. I felt like I've gone to see a fortune teller. In fact, I never saw one of those, so I am not sure how it would go, but this lady kept asking me questions about myself (more like making statements, really) and my answer was basically always Yes.
Like "you are anxious", "you like to control everything", "you never let go", "you don't relax", "you don't take time for yourself", "you are tired"... and on and on.
Fine, so maybe most mothers of young kids are tired and don't have time for themselves, but I am not sure how many are ... control freaks. I just had to admit she guesses well.
And then she asked me an open question "what are you afraid of?".  Huh... I said (surprise, surprise!) "I don't know". And I don't, really. OK, I am afraid something will happen to my kids or my family, but that is just normal (I hope so). What I am deeply afraid of? No clue.

I started thinking about it in my second home (yes, the car), going through the sports I would not want to do. The massage lady asked me if I am claustrophobic, if I would do speleology and stuff like that, so I thought I could continue that train of thought.
What I came up with was: I think I am afraid of falling. The sports I would not do are those that imply falling: bungee jumping, parachute jumping... and I am not totally comfortable walking on cables across a deep valley (like in some more 'extreme' hiking in the mountains we did several years ago).  But what scares me is not height in itself, I don't feel dizzy or afraid of looking down, as long as I have my feet on the ground. Falling, however, is a totally different story.

So now I am stuck thinking if falling & failing are the same for me - not only because the words are so much alike in English. I have no idea what do to with this. I know what you think, but there is just no way I will do what scares me just to get over it. I need to find something else :-)

I wonder if weirdness runs in the family

Cause it might explain ... stuff. Today is my mom's birthday. I was just thinking I am not a very nice daughter as the only present I planned to give her was a phone call. So I thought hard what I could give her and came up with nothing. Long story to explain why, so I am not going there. Anyway, during the famous phone-call-as-a-present, I asked her. She says "a skirt". And I am like "huh? What for?" (She does not leave her couch house ...) I can bet with any of you people reading this that you will not guess the reason! "for my funeral, cause I don't want to be burried in jeans" Is she for real? She wants as a BIRTHDAY present a skirt for her funeral?! Yup, that is my mom. I am young and stupid but can't figure how wearing jeans would be such a horrible thing. What if you are cremated, are you dressed when they turn you to ashes? Or on top of having a horrible job burning the dead, they get to see you dead AND naked? Yikes!Why am I thinking about these strange things now? Ah yes, thanks, mom. Happy birthday.